Hm, that and he wants to amount to something.

( where he felt proud of himself was when he became a soccer captain, but there's something more. the other can be difficult, but he still cares, having been though this so long, then he probably really is tired. )

None of it is excusable, Akehoshi-kun. He's defeating himself on purpose, it truly is painful to watch. Especially when he won't take anyone's help.