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Hm, that and he wants to amount to something.

( where he felt proud of himself was when he became a soccer captain, but there's something more. the other can be difficult, but he still cares, having been though this so long, then he probably really is tired. )

None of it is excusable, Akehoshi-kun. He's defeating himself on purpose, it truly is painful to watch. Especially when he won't take anyone's help.

[if rocchan didn't care, he would've let go a long time ago. the care could simply be that he's stubborn and won't be defeated, but that's still caring about what happens.]

Why won't he? 'Cause he doesn't think it'll matter in the end? He's shooting himself in the foot. [...] But I guess anyone'd get tired after six hundred years.

[not subaru tho]

Akehoshi-kun, how would you grant his desire?

( that's what komaeda thought too, it's rokkun shooting himself in the foot like an idiot. he'll continue though, he's just curious when big stakes are involved.

can he really be trusted with this? )

By giving it my best shot.

[which, at least komaeda knows, can be a very dangerous extent. a star willing to burn himself out for the sake of others and all. but someone who won't stop, won't give up so easily in the end, who'll go to others if he needs to.]

Even if he won't trust me, or want me to, I still will -- 'cause he deserves to be happy, to smile with others and expect hands to reach back if he dares to put one out. Even after 600 years -- especially after 600 years.

Best shots aren't enough.

( that doesn't help, so he changes it to what he knows will make something happen. he knows that subaru can do stupid things, he knows that he can be risky, but if that risk harms what komaeda loves, then he'll break him before he can.

...

again. )

I love hope. What is it that you're capable of doing will help him have hope, if your best shot backfires...

( how komaeda feels now and then will be entirely different. )

What can you do that he hasn't tried in 600 years?

( that's the question he keeps asking that no one will answer, and so maybe he gives hope to see what subaru can give instead. )

[yeah, he didn't think that'd be a satisfying answer for komaeda.

...

but he's being given another shot, in a different question, and he resists the urge to say "graduate" in favor of another--]

Meet this world's god.

The same god that Kogamo-kun spoke to?

( ... rhetorical, so a better question.)

You'll ask god for two requests? And what will make that entity do that for you, they seem to take trades if anything.

... I only have enough for one request.

[that's fact. even if he knew how to word one for rokuro, he wouldn't have anything to give. it's here he can't meet komaeda's eyes, subconsciously afraid that the other'll see just what "enough" includes.]

Rocchan isn't bound by any god, so I'm not gonna indebt him to one. Keigo's already in deep, so that's who I'm pulling out. One'll help the other, I think... and I've got a question to ask god on his behalf anyway.

[he can come back with an answer, with assurances of safety, with... or without something else, thinking on amami's words and mizuki's as well.]

But that's why I asked you what his desires were, thinking that if anyone knew you would. I want Rocchan to graduate with everyone, to smile and cry and look forward, instead of to the 600 years of death he's built up.

...What's enough you don't have an endless supply of.

( when he says that, komaeda thinks of his life, but subaru wouldn't be that stupid would he...? yes he would, he would certainly give his life, he was ready to jump off the side of the building for kogamo at one point. )

...You're kind.

( whereas komaeda wants to keep him here, and he crosses his arms while looking to the side. if they have to free him from his chains, that might be a sad day, he wonders if it'll rain. )

Kogamo-kun... is in that predicament, so you're going to a God, to reverse it? They gave their life, so will you give something just as steep...?

( with a sigh, he'll get back to rokkun, but this seems risky as hell. and subaru always takes risks. )

Yeah, I am.

[kind, stupid, going to a god, reversing it, paying with something just as steep--]

I'm gonna give it a shot, but... please, Maddy, believe me when I say I'm not using the life I have right now as the fee, not like what Keigo did. I won't make them any sadder then they're gonna be whenever I have to go, be it at graduation or the year after if I ask to stay just a little longer.

[but maybe graduation'll be kinder; he doesn't know how he'll be after that day, mizuki's question ringing in his ears and the reply he'd given to the man being words everyone had always described him as, words he took to heart each time,

but who is subaru akehoshi without the very memories that shaped him?

would he still be kind? would he still take risks for others? would he be bright and smiling and a star for others to follow, or was all of that just him trying to fill in shoes far too big for him left by a father who died too soon?]

It's foolish and stupid and I'm not expecting anyone who finds out to be on board with it, but it's what I can and will offer for their future.

...Akehoshi-kun.

( there's red flags, but he sees this as a desperate attempt. komaeda smiles softly, but his words don't seem to match his expression, instead they're searching for something more. his eyes remain attached to the male, knowing he won't break, and those who are strong-willed are so... brave.

he's said this more than once: courage in the hands of the powerless is called recklessness. subaru plays that hand more than once, twice, and three times where the outcomes winds up with him being scolded, yet they let him play the cards that seat nicely in his hands. komaeda can count cards, but there's no need when his luck can protect him from bad draws, or allow him to win in the end.

subaru has nothing aside from that goofy smile at the end once he sets his cards down.

as he thinks through this, komaeda's already replaced his prosthetic with the nasod attachment, claws scraping up against one another slowly to see how sharp they are. )

Tell me what hope is in your actions, how can I trust you?

( if he cuts off his hands, there's no cards for him to play. he's waiting though because what does he have to offer that saves kogamo from their position, and what does rokkun have to do with it next? )

If it affects the future, how do I know it's not despair filled...?

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