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[subaru kicks his feet a little, leaning on the table as he watches the other with a growing smile. he thinks of traveling around japan with trickstar, how coming home had been so nice and relaxing, eating a homecooked meal for the first time in months-- how he would have done the same this time, if he'd lived to see the end if it, and then times that by ten.

...]

You know, this is my second Christmas ever that I've spent with friends. Not 'cause of traveling or anything like that... Well, sorta, but not like you.

[not to far off places, experiencing new things and learning different languages. subaru'll lay his head on his arms. comfy.]

Mom and I moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I never really got the chance to make friends to do things with or for~. That's why I'm happy with anything at all -- you could've given me a coin and I would've shot through the roof, 'cause it was a gift from someone important to me.

[pathetic. pathetic but true, a boy who was happy with a fake gemstone from someone just because it was a friend who gave it to him.]

Yeah? I can't think of a time when I have either, so I guess we're the same in that. ( as if subaru hadn't guessed. ) My family was usually pretty busy, or... away from home on top of that, so holidays were pretty quiet.

( shaking his head though, he offers a warm and easy smile. this isn't about him, after all. )

But I didn't wanna give you something half-hearted either, y'know. Even if you'd be easy to please, I wanted to show you how grateful I am somehow.

( so... starry lights. it's nothing impressive, but subaru likes sparkling things, and he likes stars, and he likes lights. it's a testament to the fact that amami has eyes, at the very least. )

And anyway, it might be the second, but we'll make sure it's not the last, 'kay?

( christmas with friends, christmas with family — they'll get him out of here and he can have it all. )

[a double reason why amami seems so content with little gestures too; even if they're small, they're something, and subaru draws circles with his finger. always fidgeting, always moving.]

No matter when or where, I'll find you, just like I'll find everyone else. Natsume, Lena, Maddy... Keigo. All of you.

[so they can have their christmas every year, birthdays and new years and every other holiday in the mix -- together. it's a promise in all but the word.]

I totally get parents being busy, though~. Dad was an idol like me, [he's pretty sure he's mentioned this, even in passing, because it's something he tells everyone,] so I didn't get to see him a lot. Holiday seasons are super busy especially for people like us!

[try as he might, the possibility of getting off wasn't always high. he thinks of the starlight festival, how it takes place across the christmas days, and then of the SS finals immediately following in full on new years; it started in november, just after halloween, and

it sounds exhaustive laid out, but subaru misses it so much, how excited he'd been day after day being worn to the bones doing something he loved. he closes his eyes and sighs, somewhere between happy and something else. lonely, maybe.]

Mom told me he would always try his best though, even if it didn't always work out, but I don't remember most of the years... He passed away when I was pretty young, we started moving around a lot, and then Mom started working when she got back on her feet, too. It's nice having someone that gets it, even a little~.

[even if it's not exact, it's like how makoto has the same household set-up he does. a single mother, an only son, both who want to do what they can to make sure their only family left doesn't kill themselves working. subaru finds it easy to talk and connect with others who're like him in some way, but it's harder still to look at people when he offers up pieces of himself like this.]

( he's not sure what it is about the words, but something about it — no matter when or where, I'll find you — causes his stomach to turn and a hollow ache to fill his chest. his brows draw together, smile faltering for a moment. but... as much as the phrase gives him a sense of unease, a vague and anxious feeling he can't quite identify twisting in his stomach, he doesn't interrupt.

it's probably for the best that he doesn't, because he isn't expecting what comes next. )

I suppose it's no wonder you're so good at taking care of someone, is it.

( what is he supposed to say to this. help. rantarou "charisma score of 2" amami is out here and he is doing his best, but at the very least, if subaru looks up, he can see a genuine sense of sympathy in amami's eyes. more importantly: an appreciation for the trust that he knows must be underlying a story like this. and the way the pieces fall together, he may not fit them perfectly into place as subaru speaks, but he can identify the way they might begin to connect.

he might not be able to say the right words, but he does feel like he understands. if only a little bit. )

But yeah, I think I get it. There's something about quiet holidays... ( and there it is again, that tightly coiled, uncertain feeling... ) I guess you start to really appreciate the gestures that go into them, and the people who are there with you.

[the sympathy, the appreciation -- they're both nice in their own way, since it isn't born from pity... not that subaru remembers much pity in the looks he and his mom got, even once things settled and they got to live where they had before it wasn't like anyone knew. anyone cared. and at school,

well. that's a different story for another time. subaru grins, propping his chin on arms.]

Yeah.

[for the compliment, for the understanding.]

Guess you kinda figured out just how much I took care of Mom, huh?

[his mom, his dog, himself. it's a little sheepish, like he hadn't meant to slip that much, but... not wary, not unease. it's fine, because it's amami -- amami, who doesn't poke and prod and pry like a couple others he could think of. it's like talking to trickstar, or nagisa.]

( whew, he passed the charisma check.

with that out of the way, it's a lot easier for him to relax into a natural pattern, continuing on with an absent, open-palmed gesture as he speaks. )

Something like that. I just thought it sounded like you were a good son — really loved her, y'know.

( which is... nice. amami didn't really have that, himself, a feeling of someone relying on him. at least, he doesn't feel like he did. realistically he knows—

...

that's beside the point, and he dismisses the thoughts as quickly as they come. )

I guess it makes sense now why you stepped up the way you did.

[keep running from your thoughts and they'll be brought up again]

Ahaha~. I guess. I just don't like seeing people cry, honestly... So I just try to do what I can to make them smile instead.

[especially if they have sparkling smiles.

...

now he's feeling a little embarrassed about being so open. he's gonna stretch out and sit up so he can kick his feet!!!]

Ama-chan's really good at putting smiles on people's faces too~. And you're super reliable yourself, you're one of the best when it comes to having someone's back. ♪ That handsome gaze of yours seals the deal! Anyone'd feel better looking at you~.

C'mon, I'm not that great. ( god, he wishes he was — it seems like all he really does is upset people when push comes to shove. )

When it comes to making people happy, I think you've got me beat, but thanks. I'd like to think you can at least count on me to have your back.

( it's not the same, he knows — taking care of someone, looking after them, that's different from the kind of thing he's able to offer. he's more of a stupid idea manager, relaly. he can help keep you alive, mostly by risking himself, but it's fine. don't worry about it. )

Always! And don't sell yourself short, Ama-chan. I promise, you make more people happy than you think.

[even if it's just for little reasons, like talking to them or walking them to class, hanging out during lunch or take the time to help out with this and that -- small reasons that make people smile, all important.]

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