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[starrypoint]

[his breath, his anger stops, and subaru presses his lips into a quiet line.

... it's true he's always just done things without saying a word to as why, and how that's even annoyed and caused trouble for his friends back home -- to the point that they ask him to talk to them, that he needs to get it out even if he doesn't understand what's bothering him (but he does, this time, he knows what's been digging at him and scratching at his worries, it's something he doesn't want to know but he does all the same) because otherwise it just spills out some other way, he does impulsive things and acts in a way no one can begin to understand.

how it causes miscommunications, misunderstandings, and false perceptions on each end.

subaru akehoshi is only a boy of eighteen, but he's nowhere near grown enough for it. even when he thinks he's acting it, or tries, he ends up getting it wrong, making mistakes, and learning from them too late. he rolls the thoughts it mind, hesitantly taking them from the holes he'd stuck them into, buried them away, and looks up at komaeda with quiet unease. the sort of silence that comes with being uncertain of who he's about to say something to, but komaeda must mean well if he's going through the trouble if it and being so harsh besides, too -- not for him, of course, but for the sake of keigo. subaru'd never think otherwise. it's the same with amami, after all.

... regardless, it'll take a few minutes -- maybe almost like he decided to give up on the topic, shut it down... but he'll mutter softly:]

Honestly, I've been sort of worried this whole time... that I'm selfishly clinging to Keigo, and that they don't think I can-- no, just don't want me to help them, even if they asked me to. I don't doubt that they love me or anything, but... you can still resent someone you love, y'know?

[so rather than "do you think keigo hates me" the question is better stated as that: "do you think keigo resents me". a huge difference, a remarkable change of nuance, and a more intimate one that he's uneasy about even now.]

They said they could never hate me, no matter how angry they get, but that's different. I forced them to talk about their contract. They cried, they didn't want me to ask, but I still did, and that's when they asked me to help them. I didn't ask a single thing after that, I just said I would, but I've been-- I've been so stumped, it just feels like I'm a hot air balloon.

[full of gas, ever-lifting, not a sign of coming down. it's frustrating. hopelessness is... it's something he's felt so long ago, had shut himself away from, and yet it continues to creep at his door.]

Even asking around a little, I couldn't think of anything... So I just decided to keep doing what I'd been doing: trying to give them happier memories to replace the lonely ones they must've had growing up. If I could even do that much, make 'em smile when they look at the sky at the stars and not mind the dark too much, that'd be enough until something more came my way -- from you, from Ama-chan, by chance... Whatever, anything that might help free 'em even a bit.

[a step in the right direction.]

And then we could do something with that, and they'd be able to have more tomorrows than they'd know what to do with. [...] I haven't lost anyone in so long, Maddy, and I never wanna lose someone again. But it really is more for them than it is for me, 'cause I want them to be able to live the life Akkichi told me about.

[commences]

...They say if you love someone, you let them go.

( a small phrase that no one cares to hear, but it's the truth. a person can become someone's shackle, one that keeps them trapped in place, and they can no longer roam free because there's someone holding them back. that's not love at all, but he doesn't have to teach subaru what love is to understand his feelings on the matter. it is a sensitive topic, the way he frets and concerns over someone else when he brought this on himself.

his care and worry shows by how he grows quiet, looks at komaeda, and moves on. )

You call it selfishness, but if a moment came where you could pry yourself from them, would you? To say... you don't want to lose them, is the same notion I've heard before. Forgetting, losing... there's is no such thing as goodbyes.

( the end doesn't make sense, to think that everything stops there doesn't work here, not when there's constant loops, and here they are within the clock tower where they mess with time themselves. he knows subaru doesn't want to have a lesson on this, and he's wanting someone to hear him out.

komaeda takes no side on the matter, as he stands up to walk over to one of the clocks. his fingers press against a gear, feeling how it turns as he tries to find a way to ease his worries. )

There's only so much time, and if you want to live life, then you have to let them as well... Akehoshi-kun, you care about them deeply that everything is becoming lost on you with how much they have left. The days you're giving them won't matter when the final hour strikes...

( that's the end, that's when only subaru will retain the memories, and he doesn't know if kogamo will know any longer. it must be terrifying to almost lose them when he's been trying to find a way to save them, to free them, but there's no need to keep this bird in a gilded cage. that's what these dates are, sweet nothings that are kind but amount to what...? it's not solving the problem. )

I can tell you my thoughts on how to save them... I spoke with them on the night of the party, you may find use. If you truly mean it when you say you want to save them. The truth is painful, but living a life that's nothing more than lies to the inevitable, I think you both deserve more than that.