starrypoint | ☆ ic inbox ☆

( subaru is so lucky that amami's preferred mode of traveling is by boat — what that means for him is that being a strong swimmer isn't necessarily something that's optional. diving down, holding his breath until they're just far enough for the light from the surface to begin to dim, shadows falling against their skin. he'll wait for subaru to pause, deciding when they've gone down far enough, but looks expectantly in his direction once they are. )

[subaru grins as much as he can underwater, showing amami the palm sized stones before he strikes them together--

found out that it does work underwater, and that being a small "spark" of light between the two stones. he does it again, to show it wasn't a trick of the eyes, and rubs the two stones together for a more elongated example of the light produced by the stones; it's not like a granite spark, not one that causes any sort of flame, but one that resides where the quartz scrap against one another.

if amami looks carefully, he can see the stones aren't as polished as they might've been a month ago. they've gotten a lot of use with their cool little effect.

... he'll carefully put them in amami's hands once he's satisfied. please don't drop them, they're important -- they were given especially to him, from someone dear.]

( a couple of rocks in the bottom of the pool is... not exactly what amami had expected, but he isn't complaining either. it's something from kamo-kun, their rock expert extraordinaire, after all. between them and clamor, he's more than willing to hold out to see what this is about, and not disappointed at all when it's actually shown to him.

the warm glow is sharp when they're struck, but as subaru rubs them together like that, there's visible interest reflected in amami's eyes. what he doesn't completely expect is for the other to hand the quartz over to him — he shoots subaru a somewhat questioning look, but they're under a time limit here, so... he does accept them.

he strikes them against each other once, twice, experiments briefly with the amount of force needed to generate the soft light with some fascination, and when he's satisfied, holds them out for subaru to take back. he shoots a glance up, towards the surface, to indicate that he'd rather start heading back towards it right about now. )

[subaru's quietly happy at the interest, at the acceptance of trying it out himself, and he holds tight to the rocks as he nods and swims back up.

the moment they're both breaking surface, he's beaming--]

It's called triboluminsence! It only happens with quartz and some other stones, [he looked that up,] but it's awesome!

[he thinks so, anyway. he understands how keigo must've felt too, watching him do it.]

You're like that light though, Ama-chan. It's fine to fail. It's okay not to be enough. As long as you try, and as long as you're there, you're that spark for them -- you're important and you make them happy, so don't beat yourself up. They'll rely on you anyway, because they love you -- because you're enough to them.

( that explanation is cute — and amami will return the smile subaru has as he runs through it. maybe not as brilliantly, but a smile nonetheless, because honestly? yeah. everyone should agree that kamo-kun is cute and clever, and be interested and take seriously the things that they decide to share. but that's not the point. the point is that it's the second part, as subaru continues, that really catches him off guard — the part about him. )

... You get that from Komaeda-kun?

( not that it would be a bad thing if he did but, listen, there's no way it's a coincidence, right? )

He told me something similar, before all this.

( and, actually, yeah... it did help, at the time. )

[for some people, parroting komaeda's words might be an unwanted curse -- to be similar to him in any way, really, with the varying levels of offputness he gives them. but subaru just seems surprised, then he scratches the back of his neck a little with a sheepish grin as he shakes his head.]

Maddy doesn't talk about you when we're hanging out. [not unless amami is also there.] 'Cause I'm untalented and all that.

[which he isn't bothered by, really. being treated like he's not a person yes! being deemed normal, no.]

But I bet he connected it to your hope and junk, right?

Ah, right, that.

( still not sure how komaeda counts him among the talented — not after what happened with hinata, but he's given up on arguing that point. either way, he'll nod his head back towards the edge of the pool to signal for subaru to follow him over. he wants to lean up against it because why are they just chatting while treading water, he's not a jock, let him rest against the edge. )

I guess he kinda did, towards the end, but it didn't really sound like his words.

( and komaeda said himself that he hadn't understood them before. )

It was like... "Even if you fail, trying counts for something," y'know?

[wow, weak. he'll let you win though, they can lean on the pool edge... if only they had people to ogle them, it'd be a scene out of a high school movie.

... that's so interesting though.]

Huh. [... heheh.] Maddy's a good guy, I think. He's just got way too extreme methods sometimes.

[IF WE.... CUT OUT THE MURDER AND HARM FOR ATTENTION'S SAKE..... HE'S A GOOD PERSON, PROBABLY. at least, in subaru's opinion.]

Did I help any? I dunno what it's really like to be a big brother or anything, there's a kid I spoil... spoiled the hell out of back home, who I'd fight for if I saw him cry, but I'd bet the real thing's different.

Yeah, it's different.

( he's unilaterally deciding this, also so that he can skip the question about whether subaru helped any — unfortunately, amami's a failure through and through and through, over and over and over, and there's nothing that can help or change that. even so... at the same time, maybe there's some truth to komaeda's words, and something to subaru's too. even if it can't be helped, and even if they don't understand the significance of his failures, it's... still kind of nice, to feel like they're trying for him.

so turning to face the edge, he rests his chin on his arm, thinking hard if there's a way he can express it — just how important it is to have someone who looks up to you, who relies on you, the way your younger sibling does. because maybe he can try too, for them. but even as he gives it his best effort, as expected, he doesn't think that there is.

the look in his eyes is somewhere far away, and all he can do in the end is shake his head. )

I would've done anything, Akehoshi-kun. Whatever it took, by any means necessary...

( ... if it just meant that he could see her one more time. )

[it sounds the same as natsume's survival oath, how he'd continue to live no matter what, and subaru wonders if there's anything he'd give up pieces of himself for in that way. maybe keigo, with their secret. but is it really worth "any means necessary" to get what you want...? is it really worth hurting yourself or others, just for a chance at something you believe so much in?

does it make someone's belief any less if they don't go to that end?]

Even if it meant you weren't you in the end?

I'd still be me.

( he doesn't have a shred of doubt in the matter — because if he was still pursuing it, it would mean that he remembered, and that he cared. it would mean that he still knew what was important to him, no matter what. he might be a different him, and maybe subaru would disagree with that, but to amami... even that would have been better than the way things ended up. )

Kinda depressing to think about though, not like I can do much about it now...

( he's dead. even if he reincarnated, he'd forget. if he returned, he'd die again. there's no good end out there waiting for him.

...

a long sigh fills the air, and he glances back to subaru with the return of a well-practiced smile to cover his features. )

Why don't we talk about something else?

[just the same answer as natsume...

why are all of his friends like this... it's like, reassuring, but... wow... he has a type...

those are the sort of thoughts running through his mind as he watches amami, noting how the far off look drops off into something subaru's familiar with himself, and even if he wanted to press more there's not much else to press; what's done is done, whatever that may be, and all one can do is support the people who've made their choice. be their eyes, or their escape. just because something's been decided doesn't mean it's forever.]

Sure. You pick.

[he wants to see what amami comes up with]

( oh, good. that plastered-on smile relaxes a bit, and he'll give the question some thought.

not too much, mind you, since it's not actually so difficult to come up with an answer. )

How about you. We're friends now, right? Though I don't feel like I know too much about you yet.

( or anybody here, really; all together only by circumstance, all working for survival, and while he gets that tough situations can build trust, it's kind of nice to learn about the people by your side. )

[oh, him... subaru grins easily, pulling himself up onto the edge of the pool so it's just his legs.]

Let's see~. Subaru Akehoshi, member of Trickstar and class 3-B. Blood type O, birthday June 22nd, I've got a mom and a shiba inu named Daikichi, I love collecting shiny things... I play basketball, and I'm in the Music and Astronomy Clubs. The latter's got a longer name, but I'll keep it short for intros. ☆ What else do you wanna know?

Family? Hobbies? What do you like to do to pass the time, what sort of things are you into — outside of clubs, I mean.

( you know, like all that small talk that gets skipped when you're in situations that are as heavy as they are here. )

It'd be nice to talk about something normal once in a while...

I always talk about normal things, Ama-chan... But being put on the spot's something else. I don't have a lot of experience with that yet.

[interviews and stuff... mmmm.]

I like singing, too... and stargazing, even outside of club. Window-shopping, playing video games, watching movies... Older stuff on the last two. Uh, I cook sometimes, mostly just homey foods though -- nothing fancy.

[what else... small talk is fine, he can do small talk... he's really trying to think of stuff for you, amami]

( it's only as on the spot as subaru makes it — amami doesn't think "something that isn't my failures" is a high bar to make here, so he'll easily latch on to one of the first subjects subaru offers up. )

Oh, you like the classics, huh. Any favourites? Kamo-kun and I, we borrow the TV sometimes for movies, so it'd be good to get some recs that are actually around these days.

( nothing wrong with older movies or games, mind you, but the options around here are limited enough that he's not so sure what might be available — sounds like subaru might have a better idea of that. )

Oh, there's plenty! ET was my mom's favorite, so I watched it a lot... Then there's Jurassic Park, Star Wars, Grease, and Sixth Sense was good for a horror flick, but I dunno if that'd be a good thing to watch together~.

[... well, subaru'd like to watch it with keigo... to be clung to... so cute...]

If you don't mind something more animated, Laputa's a really good movie. I dunno what sorta stuff you get on the channels here though, but pretty much anything around this time's a hit. The golden age of cinema!

[or something like that... regardless, it seems subaru really does enjoy movies. it's why he was so enthralled and excited to watch the hamster space movies nene brought for the sleepover. a little normalcy, a little piece of home in a way.]

Oh, those sound pretty good — thanks Akehoshi-kun. I'll make a list and see if we can't get some.

( they seem like pretty good watches? well, he'd have to ask if kamo-kun feels brave enough for anything horror, but it's still worth asking at least. )

Maybe I can pass them over to you after, since you seem pretty fond of 'em. We could even have another dorm movie night if everyone was up for it.

( kamo-kun seemed to have fun with the last one. yes, every thought has to come back to kamo-kun. it's just the way he's wired, okay... )

[!!!!!!!!!!]

I'd love that! And I think everyone else would too, it was suuuuper fun last time...

[keigo had fun too, with that genuinely happy smile of theirs... subaru wants to see it again, surrounded by others, so that sounds nice. maybe they won't need to safety net of being a shopkeeper next time, and can simply enjoy being themselves.]

We should see if we can get like, a popcorn machine or something~. I wanna eat it out the glass!

☆ ic inbox ☆

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject