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She definitely did not want me to ask HER.

( it's MAYA. )

And she definitely didn't want you to ask her on a date, or confess to her once you're graduated.

[it's maya, after all]

CorRECT.

( she really didn't. she would probably love if they didn't actually meet again, and he didn't find things to love about her again, and he didn't confess to her again. it's probably an ideal end for her, even in a perfectly ordinary world where they're just two regular people, nothing special about them or the circumstances they meet in.

probably. )

Bzzt! Macchi's like you, Natsume, and she's just a girl, in the end. She always smelled like those perfumes you use, too.

[she liked them a lot, maybe. and even if natsume can refute that she just liked the scent--]

You gave 'em to her, so she probably thought about you when she wore them. Not for you, just about you.

I take back every complimentary word I've ever said about you growing to be considerATE.

( because really, as happy as it makes him to think—just like his talk with helena—it gnaws at his heart, too. they still had an entire year and some change ahead of them. a lifetime or more, after that. and maybe she'll be back like noah and subaru floated, just missing a few months, but it's still too heavy a notion for him.

it would be nice if she could graduate on time with him and hiro. he hopes hiro taking her back to town doesn't disrupt samsara any. )

Heheh~. [... a sigh:] It really, reaaaaally sucks, huh?

[liking people. wanting to tell them that, and somehow it's different than any other time you've said it. wanting to be the reason they look a certain way, or noticing when they do little things, or remember certain things, and knowing that in the end

it won't matter, really, and it's better if it never happens but wanting it to anyway.]

( it does.

and yet, and yet, and yet. )

At least you can go make out with yours whenever Amachan-kun isn't aROUND.

Yeah, there's that...

[a little blessing, a little curse. he stirs his soup endlessly.]

But it still hurts, y'know. The more time I spend with them, the more time I wanna spend with them. And I can't.

[because at the end of the school year...]

Besides, it's not my fault you didn't try and kiss her. [...] Though Boss is the one who made the first move in pretty much every way, so it's not like I can really pick at you.

[subaru cant tease he literally did nothing first except his usual "i love you"s like he did all his friends keigo kissed and confessed properly and]

You let someone Shiratori-kun's age put the moves on YOU.

( you're such a wimp??????? )

[oh my goooood]

Boss is super cool when they wanna be.

They're miniaTURE.

And they're cool!

[it's his turn to flick soup!!!!]

They're tiny and they've got the softest cheeks in the world, just as good as Shinonon's, but when they kissed me I thought about it for days after! Like, I really understood what was goin' on in Sally~'s manga!

( kick him while he's down why don't you )

They almost cried because I wouldn't let them have your Daikichi PLUSH.

[GASP]

Stop makin' them cry! They've never done anything to you, Natsume! But thanks for not giving them Daikichi, 'cause I never would've seen him ever again.

[seeing how they're attached to that seal thing]

( "they've never done anything to you" excuse him? they exist )

I said alMOST. ( and then they kind of DID cry because of the whole suicide thing— ) AnyWAY, their expressions can't compare to the little WOLF'S. She's the cutest girl I've ever seen when she bluSHES.

[PLEASE WHY ARE YOU SO THREATENED]

I'm so jealous.

[nevermind she did that cute annoyed face at him once when he wanted to thank her and was trying to get her favorite color and stuff out of her back in sept]

And also, you're totally wrong. They've got this face they make when they laugh, like really laugh, that make you feel like you're the only person they've ever shown it to in the whole wide world, even though you know for a fact you're not. And when you embarrass them, they can't look at you and don't wanna because their whole face is red and it just makes me wanna embarrass them even more.

( because subaru is his best friend and that little shit's gonna hurt him? hello. )

Maya-chan would do this little— ( he huffs a bit out his nose, like when you find something vaguely funny but you're not a laugher— ) when she was aMUSED. She wanted you to look at her when you TALKED, but she didn't demand it when you said something embarrasSING. She had warm HANDS.

( ...

he stirs his soup endlessly. )

I'll ask to kiss her the next time I see HER. If she remembers ME.

[natsume aint gonna be happy about the thoughts subarus been havin,

but oh... that's so cute. subaru loves this, actually, with each word his grin only grows wider.]

I hope she does. I probably won't be there to see it, [as per their agreement about him reconsidering graduation,] but I hope she does. Kissing the person you like really is something else.

[if only he could've done it sooner......................]

Haha~, you really got it bad for her. ♪

( he knows, but he doesn't know if it's really this bad, or if it's only magnified right now.

it really could be, though he has no doubts he does like her a lot. liked her, likes her. but how much, at this moment... )

...I'm only so bad right now because she isn't here anyMORE. ( tree aside. ) Grief amplifies emoTIONS.

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