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[...

subaru'll stop too, chewing his lip as he turns around to face komaeda with a smile. it's not too bright, at least. he's not hiding his hands.]

I wanna know what Rocchan desires.

[if he can make everyone happy before he goes into this, then whatever happens will have no foul feelings. if he can help with one piece, then the next piece will be easier to help too. if he can do something for rokuro, then keigo's wish--]

...Why?

( why would komaeda know his desires, it's the same as why would subaru want to know. knowing makes things complicated because his way if obtaining such desire is through destruction, and that isn't a road he'll allow for subaru.

the smile is different, he can tell, it's not fully an idiot, but it's still someone thinking of something. the other isn't serious at all too, and with him asking at a moment like this. )

What does his desires have to do with anything?

I want to save Keigo.

[obviously. ever present, ever a desire of his own. something he won't move on without doing -- fulfilling that promise, that wish, of helping them, of letting them have years beyond the current.]

And... I wanna save the person that Keigo's trying to save, too -- but to do that, I gotta know what Rocchan's deal is. Steph's only got half the story, right? I don't want him to resent me for forcing him along a path he wasn't like, ready to take himself, even if it's for someone that he loves.

[...]

I'm not stupid though, Maddy. I'm not good enough friends with him right now to actually help him myself, so if it's something more than what I know already, I wanted to ask if you'd try and do it for me. You're the only one that can, I think.

Hes difficult, stubborn, desperate, and he's only hurting himself because he doesn't know how to be happy. That's obvious when you speak to him.

( that he's hurting himself on purpose because of some unknown reason that doesn't make sense to them, but to him it's entirely reasonable. while he's not the only one suffering, he grows irritated off other people's happiness, and it gives him more of a reason to kill them all.

hes fighting an uphill battle, and the rock that he continues to roll up tumbles back down for him to start all over again. he hates that fate, he's aware of it, and he's trapped no matter what he does. how do they pull him away? )

...Has Kogamo-kun told you how they wanted him saved?

( he doesn't doubt subaru on this, not with what he says, but can he take on something that no one truly understands. kogamo lives to see bright opportunities, they take risks to have it, where rokkun pulls at straws and nothingness, and becomes offended when he isn't rewarded properly. )

By trading their life for his, basically. They'll stop existing, but Rocchan'll be able to live the life that he always deserved to live -- without having to worry and take care of a kid, since their dad wasn't around too much.

[he can like mizuki as a person and still acknowledge the man isn't considered for nomination for father of the year. that goes to komaeda.]

So Rocchan'll go back home without them, and he'll get to go to school and have friends and so on and so forth... But they want him to have that experience here too, lots of friends and happy memories, since he's been given the chance. I think Rocchan wants to, too, because...

[subaru's smile reappears, a little fond, remembering something.]

Because he's just scared of losing others. Just like Keigo was, not wanting to be close to anyone 'cause it'd just hurt when someone left, but they're so, so happy it happened anyway, even if it'll hurt in the end. But Rocchan's been through it a lot, right?

( he knows that much, the base of it, and komaeda continues walling in subaru's same pace as they move. kogamo trusts subaru, and in a way, komaeda had wanted to give rokkun a life that subaru was able to give subaru — he may know their inner thoughts, but the other did give them something to believe in, amami as well. when komaeda speaks to rokkun, it's a battle of hope and loneliness.

he wanted to introduce him to people, make friends, find that this world can be worth living. komaeda didn't kill at the start of the year for his work towards hope to not be realized — if he fails, then...

...

there's a small smile on his face. )

600 years worth of losing, seeing people not remember him. That photo album that was brought to the meeting by Akamatsu-san, I think that was a close friend of his... he waited for him, but they never came back.

( it's obvious from the information that they learned back in the void, that memory he believes must have belonged to rokkun. his arms cross, looking at subaru as he continues. )

What do you do when someone hurts themselves on purpose, they could have everything, but it isn't enough. What then?

[he figured it was a while, given rokuro'd mentioned he died every two weeks, but the actual number makes him :o a little... damn. all the aratas are past six hundred, how is he gonna tell chiaki she's an old biddy.

still. subaru huffs a laugh, shaking his head.]

Does he feel that guilty over leaving Keigo alone? 'Cause this isn't the way to make up for it.

Hm, that and he wants to amount to something.

( where he felt proud of himself was when he became a soccer captain, but there's something more. the other can be difficult, but he still cares, having been though this so long, then he probably really is tired. )

None of it is excusable, Akehoshi-kun. He's defeating himself on purpose, it truly is painful to watch. Especially when he won't take anyone's help.

[if rocchan didn't care, he would've let go a long time ago. the care could simply be that he's stubborn and won't be defeated, but that's still caring about what happens.]

Why won't he? 'Cause he doesn't think it'll matter in the end? He's shooting himself in the foot. [...] But I guess anyone'd get tired after six hundred years.

[not subaru tho]

Akehoshi-kun, how would you grant his desire?

( that's what komaeda thought too, it's rokkun shooting himself in the foot like an idiot. he'll continue though, he's just curious when big stakes are involved.

can he really be trusted with this? )

By giving it my best shot.

[which, at least komaeda knows, can be a very dangerous extent. a star willing to burn himself out for the sake of others and all. but someone who won't stop, won't give up so easily in the end, who'll go to others if he needs to.]

Even if he won't trust me, or want me to, I still will -- 'cause he deserves to be happy, to smile with others and expect hands to reach back if he dares to put one out. Even after 600 years -- especially after 600 years.

Best shots aren't enough.

( that doesn't help, so he changes it to what he knows will make something happen. he knows that subaru can do stupid things, he knows that he can be risky, but if that risk harms what komaeda loves, then he'll break him before he can.

...

again. )

I love hope. What is it that you're capable of doing will help him have hope, if your best shot backfires...

( how komaeda feels now and then will be entirely different. )

What can you do that he hasn't tried in 600 years?

( that's the question he keeps asking that no one will answer, and so maybe he gives hope to see what subaru can give instead. )

[yeah, he didn't think that'd be a satisfying answer for komaeda.

...

but he's being given another shot, in a different question, and he resists the urge to say "graduate" in favor of another--]

Meet this world's god.

The same god that Kogamo-kun spoke to?

( ... rhetorical, so a better question.)

You'll ask god for two requests? And what will make that entity do that for you, they seem to take trades if anything.

... I only have enough for one request.

[that's fact. even if he knew how to word one for rokuro, he wouldn't have anything to give. it's here he can't meet komaeda's eyes, subconsciously afraid that the other'll see just what "enough" includes.]

Rocchan isn't bound by any god, so I'm not gonna indebt him to one. Keigo's already in deep, so that's who I'm pulling out. One'll help the other, I think... and I've got a question to ask god on his behalf anyway.

[he can come back with an answer, with assurances of safety, with... or without something else, thinking on amami's words and mizuki's as well.]

But that's why I asked you what his desires were, thinking that if anyone knew you would. I want Rocchan to graduate with everyone, to smile and cry and look forward, instead of to the 600 years of death he's built up.

...What's enough you don't have an endless supply of.

( when he says that, komaeda thinks of his life, but subaru wouldn't be that stupid would he...? yes he would, he would certainly give his life, he was ready to jump off the side of the building for kogamo at one point. )

...You're kind.

( whereas komaeda wants to keep him here, and he crosses his arms while looking to the side. if they have to free him from his chains, that might be a sad day, he wonders if it'll rain. )

Kogamo-kun... is in that predicament, so you're going to a God, to reverse it? They gave their life, so will you give something just as steep...?

( with a sigh, he'll get back to rokkun, but this seems risky as hell. and subaru always takes risks. )

Yeah, I am.

[kind, stupid, going to a god, reversing it, paying with something just as steep--]

I'm gonna give it a shot, but... please, Maddy, believe me when I say I'm not using the life I have right now as the fee, not like what Keigo did. I won't make them any sadder then they're gonna be whenever I have to go, be it at graduation or the year after if I ask to stay just a little longer.

[but maybe graduation'll be kinder; he doesn't know how he'll be after that day, mizuki's question ringing in his ears and the reply he'd given to the man being words everyone had always described him as, words he took to heart each time,

but who is subaru akehoshi without the very memories that shaped him?

would he still be kind? would he still take risks for others? would he be bright and smiling and a star for others to follow, or was all of that just him trying to fill in shoes far too big for him left by a father who died too soon?]

It's foolish and stupid and I'm not expecting anyone who finds out to be on board with it, but it's what I can and will offer for their future.

...Akehoshi-kun.

( there's red flags, but he sees this as a desperate attempt. komaeda smiles softly, but his words don't seem to match his expression, instead they're searching for something more. his eyes remain attached to the male, knowing he won't break, and those who are strong-willed are so... brave.

he's said this more than once: courage in the hands of the powerless is called recklessness. subaru plays that hand more than once, twice, and three times where the outcomes winds up with him being scolded, yet they let him play the cards that seat nicely in his hands. komaeda can count cards, but there's no need when his luck can protect him from bad draws, or allow him to win in the end.

subaru has nothing aside from that goofy smile at the end once he sets his cards down.

as he thinks through this, komaeda's already replaced his prosthetic with the nasod attachment, claws scraping up against one another slowly to see how sharp they are. )

Tell me what hope is in your actions, how can I trust you?

( if he cuts off his hands, there's no cards for him to play. he's waiting though because what does he have to offer that saves kogamo from their position, and what does rokkun have to do with it next? )

If it affects the future, how do I know it's not despair filled...?

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