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[her arms tighten around him a fraction, keeping him near, an anchor. she understands - she doesn't blame him. even if she hadn't agreed, it had been Subaru's choice, and she respected that. that Keigo had asked - oh, it broke her heart. how scared they must have been, to know that was a risk. how much they wanted to be with the rest of them. she remembers how tight they clung, being pulled from the void. that couldn't be misplaced.

her and Subaru, they have to be here to greet them when they come back.]

You've got pictures, and...I've got letters. We were exchanging them just for fun, but they told me about things they did, what happened daily, whatever they wanted to talk about. They can read them and see...but I have faith they won't have to. They'll see us...and they'll smile.

[she has to believe this. she has to hold steady, or everything will turn to dust.]

[i hope so, he doesn't say. hope gets nowhere. hope is a prayer, is a wish. helena's wording, that they will, is a promise, is a threat, it's concrete and if it falls through then it hurts, it doesn't have the careful fall that "hope" does but subaru likes it better that way, because being caught by "maybe"s only lasts so long.]

You'll hear them run up to you with the biggest, tightest hug, [he says instead,] and they won't wanna let you go no matter what. But you wouldn't anyway.

[no more than subaru would let them go, even if at some point he'd have to. for their sake, for the others' who'd like to see them again too. they have so many people who like them, and so many people that they like. subaru won't be too selfish.]

We can't let 'em apologize though. S'not their fault.

Not at all. Before they can, we'll hold them, and tell them how happy we are that they're here now.

[pain can be forgiven, forgotten, scarred over and healed should the end result be happy. she'll hold them until they choose to let go, and sleep beside them if they wish, because it will heal the space right now that's broken. torn, tattered, and bleeding heartsblood across the floor. the best thing they can do is wait.]

...They left something. Something they must have made before everything happened.

[even though she doesn't trust herself to be a reader, to not choke on the words, she'll force herself for Subaru's sake.]

[it's the anticipation of knowing something is going to happen in horror that makes the result so scary. why should it be any different now?]

They finish it? I wouldn't wanna see a second thing before it's done.

[it feels. bad, in a way. even this first one is going to be kept nice and tightly tucked away until subaru's done with it, until he's made a true scrapbook of it with new pictures and little notes, drawings of potato-shaped dogs and color blooming throughout. it's far more sentimental a project than anything he's ever done, but he knows that keigo appreciates the little details more than anyone thinks.]

Yes. It feels complete - like they were just waiting to make it known at the right time.

[bound, with a cover and everything. with the words "the end" to mark that this was a finished tale. but at the same time, she doesn't want to let go of Subaru to show it to him, because it means pulling apart. he's the only thing that feels warm right now.]

It's...a story. Their story.

Their story, huh...

[...

he wonders if it's okay for him to read it. to hear it. subaru rests against helena, chewing his lip, before he shakes his head.]

I don't wanna hear it second-hand. [quiet.] I never really liked that sorta thing, I always wanna hear what they have to say from them -- so I'd wanna be able to read it myself, but I'm guessin' that it's in something only a couple people can read.

[helena. natsume. just to name a few.]

So... how about you teach me enough that I can do it myself? They'll be super surprised, and then you, me, and Natsume've all got a little code only we know how to read.

You...you really want that?

[she could teach him. she taught Natsume, she taught Keigo - it would be simple, to get the sheets she made out again, and to teach him how to close his eyes and let himself feel the words.]

I could, but you'll have to give it your all. For their sake, not just mine.

[he breathes out a sigh of relief, as if there was ever any doubt that helena would share it with him if he'd only asked -- a "good enough" reason or not, she would have, he knows this and yet,

it felt a little silly to him, when he had other ways to connect to her.]

Of course! I dunno if they'll get mad at me reading it or not, but I'll ask for forgiveness over permission this time. It's something they worked on, so I wanna be able to talk to them about it... just like the scrapbook they started on.

[except subaru's intending to finish it for them if it's the only thing he does this month, if it's the only thing he leaves behind... he doesn't know what graduation holds, if he can even go back to whatever life he traded off that natsume was so burned by, but he'll finish it regardless.]

They won't get mad.

[this conversation helps. it's relief from the storm, a secret space of quiet for them both. she doesn't feel sick to her stomach, holding on - and she wants to give this to him. to give him Keigo's words, and then, maybe, her own words, the ones he so bravely had saved for her. the ones Keigo had also tried to save. oh, it's so terribly mixed up, and it hurts.]

The book was addressed to me. And I say you can read it, so I'll make that possible. You had permission before you even asked.

[he's quiet, then he lifts his head to lean it against hers, closing his eyes.]

Thanks. I appreciate it, Lena.

[better to cherish and hold onto light than to dwell in darkness, and helena is a soft spot of it. it's hard. it's difficult. he didn't even get to say a proper goodbye -- but he'll be sure to say hello, maybe, at least right now he wants to.

...]

This is gonna be a hell of a month, huh~?

[long and torturous and yet it'll be over in the blink of an eye.]

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