starrypoint | ☆ ic inbox ☆

[subaru pauses in his step for a moment, staring at amami, before he carefully sets the homework he'd brought aside, along with his jacket and the goodies inside. most of them anyway, he keeps something in his pants pockets as he kicks off his shoes and socks, stepping back and then absolutely gunning it into the pool with a yell--

yes he's cannonballing in more or less fully dressed and yes he wants to get amami wet.]

( honestly, amami's not too concerned about whatever it is subaru's planning. kinda reminds him of someone getting ready to approach a stray cat they've never met, you know? slow and careful, make sure you don't startle them, and—

—definitely do not yell at the top of your lungs and break into a sprint.

amami will play the cat, it's fine, he's bristling more than enough, especially as the water probably splashes high enough to actually get him kind of wet from where he's sitting, depending on where subaru jumped in. he's got a hand raised, y'know, as if that'd protect him any, but he's watching for subaru to come back up in a minute. kind of blinks at him for a minute when he does. )

You good?

( jumping in clothed and all that — swimsuits or not, at least he and rika didn't go for it in full uniform. )

[-- oh this is heavier than he thought it'd be, he can feel how it sticks to his skin, but he comes up just fine and swims over, resting on the edge.]

You spoke! Yup, I'm good, but now that you're wet--

[he's gonna take amami's leg and tug at it.]

Come on in! The water's great! We can float around together! Ama-chan~, it's been so lonely in class without you, [inaba and yukio aren't fun the way amami is,] I've missed you lots and lots!

[even though he sees him in the dorms. it's different, it's different.]

Besides, I wanna show you something! How long can you hold your breath for? I can hold mine pretty long~.

Ah, hey — what?

( why is he holding his breath... there's a look of genuine alarm that flashes across his face before his eyes narrow and he reaches down to pry subaru's hand off of his leg... yeah, let's not get murdered today, shall we? he's giving subaru a look like he's super not impressed as he backs up from the edge of the water, a lot more wet than he'd planned to be, but... not leaving yet, at least. finally he gets to make one of his freak expressions. )

Seriously, Akehoshi-kun, if there's something you want just say so. I'd rather not think this, but trying to test how long I can hold my breath... That doesn't make it sound like you've got good intentions.

[it takes a second to register what those less than good intentions could be, the suspicion thrown on him, and subaru looks genuinely hurt. he sinks a bit, bubbling in the water, before he goes to the edge again and rests on it, looking up at amami. gone is the cheer, the strained fine-ness of the past days, and it's more solemn, more subdued.]

There's something I wanna show you, but it's better in the darkness. So I figure if we go deep enough down, the light won't be as bad, and I could show you. That's all. Ama-chan, I'd never wanna hurt you -- you're my friend.

[he'd sooner throw himself into danger to protect the other.]

( he feels a little bit bad about it when subaru sinks in the water, watching the hurt reflected in his face. it feels significant in its own way, considering his usually bright and vibrant personality, but even with his explanation, it's only those last words that really cause the suspicion on amami's eyes to dissipate somewhat.

it's replaced, of course, with guilt. )

...

( his lips pull into a grimace, and... he has to look away for a moment — out towards the rest of the pool. there's a brief pause, but he sighs, shoulders falling slack in resignation. )

Friends, huh...

( it's quiet, under his breath and doubtful, but also... a little bit hopeful too. friends... he'll turn his gaze back to subaru, looking almost apologetic but for the unease that remains in his expression. )

You mean that? I mean, I'm sure I don't exactly come across as a trustworthy guy myself.

( between the murder, and the memories, and the fact that he can't even be sure of trusting in himself on some days. )

Yup, I'm positive!

[immediate, with a bright smile. he's hoisting himself out of the water more, clothes sagging wet against him, and holding out a hand.]

You've never lied to me, so why shouldn't I trust you? You haven't given me a reason not to, y'know?

[...he lowers his hand after a moment, the smile flickering slightly.]

But... I guess it's not really a two-way street, huh? I can trust you all I want, but that doesn't mean anything if you don't trust me.

[... is it because he's friends with natsume?]

No, it's not that, it's just...

( it's just that still, subaru insists that he hasn't lied — something he'd never know, if amami really had. that he trusts him despite their circumstances, and in a way that feels far too at odds with what amami has always kind of known about the world around him and the people in it. he wants to take that hand, of course. there's probably little that he wants more than something as simple and hopeful as someone's friendship at a time like this, but... )

If you knew the truth, I dunno if you'd still feel that way. Even I've got doubts sometimes, so I can't expect others not to.

My best friend's Natsume Sakasaki. A shady, no good fortune teller that's killed four people, who claims he lies all the time, and doesn't show his hand until he has to. There's no reason for anyone to trust him, every reason for someone not to trust him, but...

[...]

But I do, with every fiber of my being, and I have since the day I met him. Because he wanted to be friends with me, Subaru Akehoshi.

[it doesn't sound too big of a deal, from anyone else... but the way he emphasizes it makes it feel a lot more. it's important that it's him, and not... who? what?]

It's not that I don't care about the truth, or what people say about others, but I just want to be able to judge it for myself. And I think that by being honest with you and everyone else, you'll be honest with me, too. You're Rantarou Amami, my classmate and friend. And I promise, that won't change.

[because he doesn't like losing friends, because he wants to get along with others, because everyone has their reasons and he'll make someone see good no matter what it takes. he'll get mad at people, he'll call them out, but it's not for a selfless reason at all.]

( it's... they're nice words, and to an extent, they do make him feel better. he still has to shake his head as subaru finishes up with what he has to say though. )

You think so, but... I'm not sure if it really works like that. You can't judge a truth you don't know anything about...

( one of his hands comes up to rub at the side of his neck, and he's quiet for a long moment, though he clearly still has more to say — countless thoughts buzzing in his mind. worries, and anxieties, and fears, all drawn from two simple problems, and coalescing into an obstacle that feels at times impossible for him to overcome. it was easier before, talking about this... because the other person, at least, they kind of knew what it was like. what he was going through. it's harder when that shared experience isn't there but, even so, he'll gather his words. )

You remember, right, about my talent? There are things — important things — about myself that not even I know, even if I wanted to be honest...

( and the things he does know, that he's a murderer and a failure a dozen and more times over, those aren't really too flattering either.

it isn't an outright rejection though. he does slowly continue after the words have settled, sounding tentative. )

But... if we could be friends— if you'd still want to, I'd like that. ( with a bit more conviction: ) I want to be friends with you too, Akehoshi-kun.

[subaru waits at the edge, the air drying the pool water on his face. he lets amami talk, lets him think, watches the way his body speaks louder than any word, and finally at the end, when the last eight words hit

he pulls the rest of himself up and veritably dives into amami, ready or not, and if he gets his clutches on him one way or another he won't let go, he'll grip tight and laugh, a bright happy noise that lets loose without about as much warning as his movement did.]

You got it, Ama-chan! I'm sooooo happy you finally think of me as a friend too, it's super lonely when it's only halfway, you know? Ama-chan~, Ama-cha~n! ☆

[sweet as his nickname... subaru'll calm down after a moment, though he's still beaming, heart beating fast. he'll never get over it, especially not here.]

So you'll take a dip with me?

[! swim? swim swim?]

( amami, not expecting it, and absolutely almost bowled over by the way subaru crashes into him. )

C'mon, it's not like I'm heartless...

( amami actually sounds a little embarrassed saying this much, awkward with the other boy clinging all over him like this. jeez, subaru out here acting like he really thought amami hated him or something, like this is some kind of dramatic confession where his heartfelt feelings were finally accepted and returned. all he said is that he'd like to be friends? )

... So yeah. Guess I can do that.

( even if it's disgustingly depressing to think about going swimming without rika now, knowing how fond she was of the pool, but... it's fine. subaru's got good intentions, probably, and he's here anyway — refusing just so he can keep sulking and feeling sorry for himself, that's not gonna accomplish anything. at the very least, if he keeps his body moving, and his mind occupied at all times, he can avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

let him just try to start peeling subaru back off of him though, because he's incredibly not used to this. especially from a guy his own age. )

Gimme a minute, 'kay?

[subaru detatches easy enough, stripping off more of his clothes proper until he's just in his underwear and hopping in again... he is already wet so like, why bother changing into a swimsuit.]

I think you're gonna love it! Boss showed me it...

[... oh, right-- he's wiggling whatever they are out of his pants pockets, tucking the stones into the palms of his hands as he slides back into the pool.]

So I think it's something special. And since you and Boss are close, I don't think they'd mind at all. Actually, I hope it works underwater, or else I'm gonna look real dumb.

( subaru can go on ahead and strip — amami will, well, he guesses he'll roll up his pantlegs, to his knees or something. that should be fine. he'll pull his sweater up over his head and take off the shirt too though, because when you get those wet, they stick in a way worse kind of way. )

Yeah? Lucky you. I have to admit, I'm a bit jealous.

( it's no wonder why they'd show him something so special though — subaru really has come across as pretty reliable for them.

anyway, i'm legally obligated to mention that if subaru looks, a decent number of scars are visible across the surface of his skin. it's nothing too dramatically numerous though, and he doesn't seem to pay them any mind as he makes his way over to the pool, jumping in to join subaru. he takes a second to resurface, but looks over a little expectantly once he does. )

Deep end, then?

[........

nine out of ten.]

Yup! And why would you be jealous? I'm the one who oughta be~.

[he'll swim that way...☆]

You and Maddy are both so close to them... No matter what they've showed me, I'm sure they've done ten times more for you. This was more like a reward for being a hard worker anyway.

[doing his best and being sincere about his advertisement... dropping by with food and small talk... stuff like that. it's special, but it's not something worth jealousy.]

( thanks he does his best.

but yeah, he'll follow subaru's lead, making their way over to the end of the pool but, like, slowly probably. because it's kind of difficult to hold a conversation if you're swimming quickly. )

I guess I am pretty lucky myself, yeah, but maybe I'm a bit selfish.

( he wouldn't mind having all their attention on him, as unrealistic as that is. )

Anyway, I am glad they have you around. I know I've said this before, but... I think it's good for them.

[...... yeah it is i didnt think about that

subaru would normally laugh and readily agree, say something cheeky, but he wonders if he doesn't just make things harder on them. komaeda seems to think it's generally a good thing too -- the untalented can connect to other untalented and all -- but the way they hurt because of him, even if that's a kind of refreshing pain... selfishly a part of him is glad, but he's sure things would be easier if they weren't so involved.

because he is selfish, though, and because they're friends, he won't abandon despite that.]

What makes you say so? I mean, I'm still happy to hear that, but I wanna know anyway. ☆

[that's a safe way to go about that. be conceited.]

Why, huh...

( ...

anyway, they have to have reached the deep end by now, because i said so. also because they need to have stopped swimming for amami's silence to really hit, especially when he gives a heavy exhale, sighing as if the question weighs down on him physically too. )

You said you didn't have any siblings, right, Akehoshi-kun?

( it's something he's asked before, almost certainly, but it comes up again for this. while the answer might've gotten subaru brushed off with arms-length distance the first time, he seems to be giving more thought to it now. it'd probably be impossible for subaru to understand — the crushing guilt of failure, a still-raw wound that continues to reopen again and again and again; the importance of keeping them safe, and the desperate need to make sure that they're never left doubting how much they're loved. it's the mistakes he's made, but can't get into, and hates to acknowledge even as they continue to repeat. his expression feels distant even now. tired and sad and a little resigned, despite the outline of a smile that traces itself across his lips. )

Let's say I'm just glad there's someone they can rely on, is all. I'm sure you can understand that much.

[so it's something like that? a sibling perspective... subaru'll float on his back while they're lingering, because he does want to figure out something to say, knows he has something on the tip of his tongue, but he dives backwards instead and tugs lightly at amami's leg. come on, down.

he thinks it'll be better said when amami's got more of a real smile on his face, so first thing's first is getting down deep enough that the light won't bother too badly. where their shadows can at least cast a little darkness on the pale, rounded stones he keeps held tight, not wanting to lose either to the depths of the pool. subaru would honestly probably drown himself trying to get it back.]

( subaru is so lucky that amami's preferred mode of traveling is by boat — what that means for him is that being a strong swimmer isn't necessarily something that's optional. diving down, holding his breath until they're just far enough for the light from the surface to begin to dim, shadows falling against their skin. he'll wait for subaru to pause, deciding when they've gone down far enough, but looks expectantly in his direction once they are. )

[subaru grins as much as he can underwater, showing amami the palm sized stones before he strikes them together--

found out that it does work underwater, and that being a small "spark" of light between the two stones. he does it again, to show it wasn't a trick of the eyes, and rubs the two stones together for a more elongated example of the light produced by the stones; it's not like a granite spark, not one that causes any sort of flame, but one that resides where the quartz scrap against one another.

if amami looks carefully, he can see the stones aren't as polished as they might've been a month ago. they've gotten a lot of use with their cool little effect.

... he'll carefully put them in amami's hands once he's satisfied. please don't drop them, they're important -- they were given especially to him, from someone dear.]

( a couple of rocks in the bottom of the pool is... not exactly what amami had expected, but he isn't complaining either. it's something from kamo-kun, their rock expert extraordinaire, after all. between them and clamor, he's more than willing to hold out to see what this is about, and not disappointed at all when it's actually shown to him.

the warm glow is sharp when they're struck, but as subaru rubs them together like that, there's visible interest reflected in amami's eyes. what he doesn't completely expect is for the other to hand the quartz over to him — he shoots subaru a somewhat questioning look, but they're under a time limit here, so... he does accept them.

he strikes them against each other once, twice, experiments briefly with the amount of force needed to generate the soft light with some fascination, and when he's satisfied, holds them out for subaru to take back. he shoots a glance up, towards the surface, to indicate that he'd rather start heading back towards it right about now. )

[subaru's quietly happy at the interest, at the acceptance of trying it out himself, and he holds tight to the rocks as he nods and swims back up.

the moment they're both breaking surface, he's beaming--]

It's called triboluminsence! It only happens with quartz and some other stones, [he looked that up,] but it's awesome!

[he thinks so, anyway. he understands how keigo must've felt too, watching him do it.]

You're like that light though, Ama-chan. It's fine to fail. It's okay not to be enough. As long as you try, and as long as you're there, you're that spark for them -- you're important and you make them happy, so don't beat yourself up. They'll rely on you anyway, because they love you -- because you're enough to them.

( that explanation is cute — and amami will return the smile subaru has as he runs through it. maybe not as brilliantly, but a smile nonetheless, because honestly? yeah. everyone should agree that kamo-kun is cute and clever, and be interested and take seriously the things that they decide to share. but that's not the point. the point is that it's the second part, as subaru continues, that really catches him off guard — the part about him. )

... You get that from Komaeda-kun?

( not that it would be a bad thing if he did but, listen, there's no way it's a coincidence, right? )

He told me something similar, before all this.

( and, actually, yeah... it did help, at the time. )

[for some people, parroting komaeda's words might be an unwanted curse -- to be similar to him in any way, really, with the varying levels of offputness he gives them. but subaru just seems surprised, then he scratches the back of his neck a little with a sheepish grin as he shakes his head.]

Maddy doesn't talk about you when we're hanging out. [not unless amami is also there.] 'Cause I'm untalented and all that.

[which he isn't bothered by, really. being treated like he's not a person yes! being deemed normal, no.]

But I bet he connected it to your hope and junk, right?

☆ ic inbox ☆

5th its

!!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)